freaking. out.

So. We're getting close to pub date. REALLY close. And everyone is asking me if I'm excited because, you know, lifelong dream and all that. And I AM! I am SUPER excited! But I have to tell you that the excitement is tempered a bit by anxiety, because that's the kind of person I can be sometimes. I am absolutely thrilled my dream is coming true, but part of my dream is not just to get published, but to be able to someday, down the road (probably WAY down the road) make a living from writing. And how this book performs out in the world matters because the better it does, the closer I am to that next dream.

I know, I know. Savor the moment. Appreciate the journey. Baby steps. I know. I am so grateful to be where I am. I know what it's like to struggle and hope and think "If I could just get a book published, I'll be happy." But the truth is, I've been baby stepping for 25 years and this feels BIG, you guys. Just like when I wrote the darn book and started querying, it feels like it's now-or-never, shit-or-get-off-the-pot big. Spending the next 25 years baby stepping some more isn't exactly a super appealing option.

I'm also a bit anxious because I don't really enjoy being the center of attention out in public. I tend to be awkward and sweaty and chatty-to-hide-my-nerves. You know the type. An introvert trying to be extroverted is exhausting (for everyone involved!). Being onstage for even a few moments of local neighborhood fame is not really my thing.  (Unless it's singing and dancing to 80s music when I've had a few cocktails. Then I'm totally fine with attention. Then, I'm all "Look at me! I'm the best. Singer. EVER" Which, trust me, I am NOT.) So this temporary focus on ME is a bit weird and uncomfortable. 

So that's how I'm feeling. Excited. Sweaty. Grateful. Nervous. Happy. Tense. Exhausted. Energized. Pretty much all of the emotions.

Hang in there with me, friends. I'm a bit of a mess and need you now more than ever!